Every Time Dean Dies
by Delirium-Storm
Summary: This was written as a 'what if' and is packed with as many feels and hurt!Dean as I could manage. Every time Dean dies he has to face the painful truth that no illusion can ever make him feel alive. Enjoy the emotional roller coaster! Disclaimer: I own nothing


**Every time Dean dies**

"_I can see how broken you are, how defeated; you can't win and you know it, but you just keep fighting, just keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already dead_." ~Famine from **Supernatural**

Blood splattered on the ground and on the form hovering above him, the knife gripped tight and priced through his chest just bellow his heart.

He could feel the blood gathering in his mouth and though he could feel his strength fading he mixed as much saliva he could with it and spit it in the smirking man's face earning himself a sharp jerk up and a twist with the knife.

Gasping in an attempt to get air into his lungs Dean's eyes went hazy and a bright white light flashed behind his lids. As with every time he dies there is a great fear and a strong worry about Sammy, this time was no different.

He knew Sam was okay he was back at the motel they had rented in Michigan for this hunt, doing research.

They had gotten in a fight just under an hour ago and Dean had stormed out to try and get his cool back before he did something stupid. However, it seems trouble found him and now he was in some dirty and abandoned back alleyway bleeding out from the wound in his chest.

The dark figure ripped the knife out and chuckled darkly whipping the blood off on Dean's shirt before walking away and leaving Dean to bleed out.

_'What is this? A superhero movie where the villain leaves the hero to bleed slowly to death?' _Dean thought darkly to himself as he tried to put pressure on his wound, _' to bad I__'__m no hero'_.

His chest hurt and he could feel himself getting weaker. Now his toes and fingers where getting cold and he knew his time was short and he didn't know if he was going to come back from this one.

He looked up at what he could see of the sky because he did not want his last moments to be of this nasty alleyway that reminded him of his life.

His eyes slid closed and he was to cold and tired to even try to open them again. Adrenalin thumbed in his chest and begin to slip away as his heart sputtered and his hand slid off the wound and onto the wet grimy ground.

Finally the darkness clouded his mind and he went limp.

444

Dean's eyes shoot open and his back arches off the hospital bed he was laying on as he gasps in air.

It all comes rushing back and tears fill his eyes and he wants to scream and curse the world, because now he realizes that he was never a hunter. He never hunted monsters with his dad and Sammy to revenge their mother's death because they died. They died that night in Sam's nursery in an electrical fire.

Dean was the only one to make it out because an explosion pushed him out a second story window. He had broken both his legs and his right arm and several ribs. He lost his entire family in one night and even as a four year old he knew his life would never be the same.

By the time the paramedics had gotten him to the hospital he had slipped into a coma, and in a coma he would remain. There where a few times where he would wake up and scream and cry until he slipped back under, those where the times when Dean died in the world his four year old mind created.

A child who believed in monsters and fairy tails and the stories of angels his mother would tell him. A child who lost his whole family in a single instant and wanted nothing more then to be with them, had created a world of monsters he and his family hunted to keep others safe. A world where he was able to save and protect Sammy even if sometimes the knowledge would seep through and one of his family members died or he would, and would wake up to his harsh reality until he slipped back under.

Closing his eyes he sighed as he went back to his preferred reality.

444

When he opened his tired eyes he saw a worried Sam hovering over him. He smiled despite his pain and Sam sighed in relief. Dean didn't remember the other world here and the pain and emptiness inside where ignored as just leftover side-effects of Hell even if he knew it was there for far longer than that. For now he was just happy to see Sammy healthy and safe and could maybe go for some pie.


End file.
